


The Virtue of Silence

by TuffAndFluff



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Idiots in Love, One Shot, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Romantic Comedy, Self-Insert, Swearing, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:40:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25663003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TuffAndFluff/pseuds/TuffAndFluff
Summary: Junkrat sets a world record by nearly ruining Valentine’s Day two entire weeks before it begins, and Ruby learns there’s just as much risk as there is reward to dating an unhinged convict with a bad case of never shutting up.
Relationships: Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes/Original Character(s)





	The Virtue of Silence

Ok so I wanted this to be a comic but I was too tired and it woulda taken too long and some other third excuse, so here’s a fic instead! I was going for a more light-hearted and silly tone, and while I don’t think I quite succeeded, I still had fun. I was also trying to write something less than 1000 words, but uh… I think it’s pretty clear I didn’t manage that. *looks off into the sun wistfully* Maybe some day…

Ruby plopped down on the couch, a bowl of spaghetti in one hand and the television remote in the other; usually she would be dining at the table across from her boyfriend, but Junkrat was out on yet another one of his heists. If she remembered correctly, he and his partner-in-crime Roadhog had ventured to Paris, but that was, unfortunately, all she knew. It was unusual for Junkrat not to share all the details of his latest schemes with her, and even though Roadhog had reassured her that he would be keeping the reckless Aussie safe, she still felt uneasy about not knowing exactly what kind of trouble the two would be getting into.

She flicked on the TV before tossing the remote aside and picking up her fork, twirling up a clump of spaghetti as a series of commercials played until at last, the program she wanted began.

“Tonight, on A Moment in Crime…”

Ruby knew that this particular show tended to keep up-to-date on criminal events, so if Junkrat and Roadhog had already finished their heist, she’d be sure to hear about it here. Sure enough, their mugshots appeared on screen, and Ruby perked her head up as she shoveled a forkful of spaghetti into her mouth.

The overdramatic narrator continued, “These notorious criminals have spread destruction and mayhem across the globe, but could the pyromaniac known as Junkrat… have his own romantic flame?”

Ruby froze mid-chew, her eyes going wide and spaghetti dangling from her mouth as she focused intently on the TV, praying that this story wouldn’t be going where she thought it might be. The screen changed to a video- with the unstable quality making it clear that it was recorded on a phone- that showed the two Junkers together at the outdoor seating of a cafe, with Junkrat in plain view and Roadhog sitting with his back to whoever was recording. Junkrat was mid-ramble about something, and as the audio cut in and Ruby heard his far-too familiar voice, she felt her blood run cold.

“-d’ya think, Hoggie? I just know that Roobs is gonna love this place!” Junkrat spoke far too loudly, not even noticing that he was being recorded. “It’s a bit posh f’me, but she’s been goin’ on about doin’ somethin’ special fer that whole Valen-time thing, so I think I’m alright riskin’ looking like a tall poppy, long as I can get me girl ta smile!”

The audio lowered, and the narrator spoke over the video. “This footage, uploaded just hours ago, was taken at a shop outside the Cabaret Luna in Paris. The explosives-obsessed Junker seems to be discussing plans for a supposed date with an unknown person whom he refers to as ‘Rubes’. The criminal goes on to talk about methods of traveling to the city of love with this mysterious person, before the brave witness who uploaded the video is noticed. Viewers should be warned that the following footage may be frightening to some.” 

The audio of Junkrat’s voice came back in. “-wish I could be up on the bird-bus with her, but I’m pretty sure I’ve made it on the no-fly list by now, _heheh_ , so I guess we could just meet up here.” As he kept rambling, his eyes wandered towards the recorder until he made eye contact with the camera. He had to do a double-take before he finally noticed that he and Roadhog were being filmed, and the cheery grin on his face quickly turned into an angered scowl as he stood up in his chair and stomped his boot onto the table with his fists raised. “Oi, the fuck d’ya think you’re doin’, mate?!” Junkrat quickly reached down for his frag launcher, which was placed beside the chair he had previously been sitting in.

The video became incomprehensibly shaky as the person recording began to flee, repeating “merde” between panicked breaths as Junkrat shouted for them to “get the hell back here”, and the video stopped just as an explosion went off behind the recorder. The screen freeze-framed on the last second of footage and slowly zoomed in to create a dramatic effect as the narrator spoke up again. “The uploader luckily managed to escape by running into a neighboring store, but the footage they posted gives us a startling view into the personal life of these violent criminals.” The show cut back to a still shot of Junkrat from the video just presented as the narrator continued, “Is it possible that this wanted convict is actually involved in a romantic relationship? Is there someone out there insane enough to partner themselves with a pyromaniac like Junkrat? Or is this simply the delusional ramblings of a madman?”

The show cut back to Junkrat and Roadhog’s mugshots. “As always, if you have any information about these two dangerous men, or any knowledge of the unknown person, again, referred to as ‘Rubes’ in this video, please contact us today. Remember, crime doesn’t pay, but we-”

Ruby had to shut off the television before she could hear more. She stared forward blankly, her spaghetti weakly hanging from her pursed lips as she processed what she had just seen. She didn’t even have the energy to bite down, as all her brainpower was immediately going into panicking as hard as she could. She wondered if this was how omnics felt when they short-circuited; her mind was just piling one bad thought on top of another, leading to a never-ending wave of fear washing over her. _Damn that man and his big mouth_ …

***

“Oh, _Roooobs!”_ Junkrat shouted as he burst through the front door to Ruby’s apartment, throwing down his frag gun and the sack of stolen goods in his hand as he held his arms out expectantly, waiting for his girlfriend to run from around the corner and jump right into his arms as she had always done before. Instead, he saw her slowly move out from the kitchen with her arms crossed as she leaned her shoulder against the wall.

“Welcome back, Jamison,” Ruby spoke in an alarmingly calm tone with a nearly unreadable, but clearly unhappy expression.

Junkrat immediately broke into a cold sweat at the use of his full name as Ruby stared him down. “Er…” he put his arms down just a bit, “i-is there somethin’ wrong, sweets?”

Ruby simply glared at him harder, making him panic and hunch down as he looked at the floor and nervously rubbed his hand. What the hell had he done? Did he forget to say goodbye before he left? Had he eaten the last of one of her favorite snacks and put the empty box back? Did he leave the toilet seat up?

“So,” Ruby said, “you go to any nice cafes while you were in Paris?”

Junkrat snapped his head back up as his eyes went wide. “How did you know?” 

Ruby rubbed her face and sighed. “Jamie, my dear. We need to discuss the importance of thinking before you speak…”


End file.
